Crazy ways to look at it
by Book-Master
Summary: HEEEERRRRRRRREEEESSS Part 3! This one funnier! (Revised) PLEASE RR!
1. Crazy Ways to look at it Part 1

Just some crazy thing I thought up.  
  
PLEASE R/R!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Crazy ways to look at it  
  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Star Wars version  
  
-------------------   
  
[Duke walks in with Arcturas and Raynor playing poker sitting next to him]  
  
Duke: JIM, I AM YOUR FATHER!!  
  
Raynor: No!  
  
Duke: Search your feelings, you know its true  
  
Raynor: NOOO!!!!!!!  
  
Duke: And theres another a.......sister.....  
  
*Raynor grows quiet*  
  
Duke: YES... ARCTURAS IS YOUR SISTER!  
  
Arcturas and Raynor: Pardon?  
  
Scooby Doo Version  
  
-----------------------  
  
[The end of Brood War, Kerrigen has just finished her speech about being the Queen of Blades, along with Duran at her side, and then Raynor comes and pulls off a mask revealing ADMIRAL DUGALLE!!  
  
Raynor: See? It wasn't Sarah at all, just a filthy frog!  
  
[Arcturas comes in and pulls off a similar mask off Duran reavealing Alexei!]  
  
DuGalle: And we would 'ave succeded if it wasn't for you pesky Dominions!  
  
Salvador Dali Version  
  
------------------------  
  
[Raynor and Mengsk are sitting accros from eacother drinking coffee]  
  
Cut to a montage of disturbing images, such as an eyeball being sliced  
  
with a razor.  
  
Cut back, Raynor has turned into a woman and Mengsk into an eider duck  
  
called Percivil.  
  
E.R. Version  
  
---------------  
  
[Many complex machines that go 'beep' around Raynor's bed]  
  
Zaretul: CBC! Chem 7 and c-sine!  
  
Fenix: He's crashing sir!  
  
Zaretul: Start cimpressions! Charging to 120! CLEAR!  
  
Fenix: Still no rythym. He's been down to long.  
  
Zaretul: NO! Charging to 300! CLEAR!  
  
Fenix: Leave it sir. There's nothing more we can do.  
  
Zaretul: Clean up the body, I'll tell Tassadar  
  
Rabid Fans Version  
  
-----------------------  
  
[Imeadetly following a party at Kerrigens, a WWII Submarine pops up in  
  
her lake and out come Fangirls and Fanboys  
  
Fangirls/boys: [Determined battle cry] HES/SHES MINE BITCH/BASTARD!  
  
[All the waiters and so forth are massacard. DeGalle is killed in a way so vicious that it cannot  
  
be described without bumping this thing up to NC-17.]  
  
Fangirl 1: DIE! YOU CAUSE DISHONOR TO RAYNOR!  
  
Fanboy 1: WHO GIVES A MOKEYS ABOUT RAYNOR? HE DISHONORED KERRIGEN MORE!  
  
[A fight breaks out between the fangirls/boys. The heros all hide in the wine celler  
  
, or lie aropund pretending to be dead. Fangirls/boys massacare eachother. Heros emerge.]  
  
Kerrigen: Does the fact that they tore eachother to shreds shouting our names worry you in any way?  
  
James Bond Version  
  
---------------------  
  
[Kerrigen is in her room, stroking her pet Drone. Raynor is bound to a pole that is sticking out of the window]  
  
Kerrigen: SO, we meet again James Raynor  
  
Raynor: Kerrigen. A well thought out plan I must admit.  
  
Kerrigen: And one wich you have failed to prevent in any way.  
  
Raynor: Do you expect me to talk?  
  
Kerrigen: No, Jimmy, I expect you to die. And now, I shall oversee the rest of my plan. Goodbye Jimmy  
  
[She leaves, leaving some fantastically incompetant zerglings to kill Raynor. They fail. Raynor escapes and blows  
  
up the hive while still managing to rescue Mengsk and Duke]  
  
Startrek Version  
  
----------------------  
  
[Raynor, Zaretul and Fenix, are standing next to Kerrigens bed]  
  
Zaretul: She's dead Jim.  
  
Raynor: Such injustice, such bravery, and all for so little  
  
Fenix: Such sentiments are illogical Commander. She sacrificed herself for us. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.  
  
Raynor: But for her, there is nothing  
  
Fenix: We continue our five-year mission to bravly seek out new planets and civilazations to subject to Terran Dominion Impearilism  
  
Jane Austen Version  
  
-------------------------  
  
[Raynor is sitting next to Kerrigens bed, following the ending epic battle]  
  
Raynor: I do regret if I had ever caused you suffering  
  
Kerrigen: Nay sir, none, for I could not be said to suffer  
  
Raynor: You do, for I have treated you badly.  
  
Kerrigen: I cannot suffer for a false treatment.  
  
Raynor: I was never false Sarah, would you consent to be my wife?  
  
Kerrigen: WHY JIM, OF COURSE!  
  
[Raynor marries Kerrigen. Duke marries Mengsk. DuGalle marries Alexei.   
  
Tassadar marries Fenix. Artanis marries Aldaris. Zaretul marries Rashgal.  
  
The Norad 3 marries the Hyperion. The Overmind marries himself. In fact, EVERYBODT GETS MARRIED!]  
  
Disney Version  
  
----------------  
  
[Raynors by Kerrigen's death bed]  
  
Kerrigen: Jimmy, I lied to you. I am in fact a woman. I joined the army to avenge the death of my father at the hands of the Confederates. AND I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU!  
  
Raynor: But I cannot marry you, for I can only marry the daughter of a Duke  
  
Kerrigen: BUT MY FATHER WAS A DUKE(Like as if you couldnt guess who)  
  
[They kiss]  
  
Raynor: BUT LOVE, YOU ARE DIEING!  
  
[Just then, a mystical man with a big head, who calls himself Yuri, appears and cures Kerrigen, while wisecraking.  
  
There is then a big song and dance routine ending after their wedding,  
  
involving Duke leading hordes of tapdancing Marines and Firebats around the Command Center] 


	2. Part 2

Second part (FINALLY!), thanks for all the ideas.  
  
  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
  
  
Airplane Version  
____________________________  
  
  
[Stukov has just found out he's the only one who can fly the Battlecruiser,  
his g/f Kerrigen is begging him to try and land it, and Raynor is trying  
to get the auto pilot to work.]  
  
  
  
Stukov: This isn't working, Raynor, how is the auto pilot coming!?  
  
  
(Raynor pulled lever and the autopilot inflated and jumped right onto Raynor)  
  
  
Raynor: I NEED ANOTHER MINUTE OR SO!!  
  
  
Kerrigen: Please Alexi, you're the only one who can save us now  
  
  
Stukov: Raynor!?  
  
(Dr. Fenix comes in)  
  
  
Fenix: I just want you all to know, good luck, we're all counting on you  
  
(Leaves)  
  
  
  
Stukov: RAYNOR!?  
  
  
(Raynor was basing up against the wall trying to unhook the inflated pilot off  
  
  
Kerrigen: LAND THE DAMN THING OR WE ALL DIE!  
  
  
(Fenix comes in again)  
  
  
Fenix: I just want you all to know, good luck, we're all counting on you  
  
  
  
(Leaves)  
  
  
  
Duke: Stukov, ease it down  
  
  
(Crash-lands Battlcruiser)  
  
  
  
(Fenix comes in again)  
  
  
  
I just want you all to know, good luck, we're all counting on you  
  
  
(Leaves)  
  
  
  
[So, everybody turned out perfectly safe and happy, except for the inflated  
auto pilot, who got sucked out the window]  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Cagney Version  
_____________________________  
  
  
  
[Enter Kerrigen]  
  
  
  
Kerrigen: What is it Jimmy?  
  
  
Raynor: Arcturas, he's dead  
  
  
Kerrigen: Oh my.........why did you call me here?  
  
  
Raynor: I saw yous last night, and you was smooching with Arcturas  
  
  
Kerrigen: No Jimmy, I'm in love with you!  
  
  
Raynor: Sure, I believe you, only my C-239'er don't  
  
  
  
[Raynor then emptied half a cartridge into Kerrigen]  
  
  
  
  
  
The Godfather Version  
______________________________  
  
  
  
[Kerrigen sits in her office chair, across in the guest chair sits  
Arcturas]  
  
  
  
Arcturas: Kerrigen, Duke is dead, I want justice!  
  
  
Kerrigen: So, you come to me on this day of celebration, and you are wanting  
me to take care of these people ho killed Duke?  
  
  
Arcturas: I want justice!  
  
  
Kerrigen: Fine, I will ensure justice is served, in the mean time,  
you need to be taught a lesson in respect.  
  
  
[At that moment, Raynor pops out of a secret closet and blows Arcturas  
away]  
  
  
  
  
  
Austin Powers Version  
___________________________  
  
  
  
[Dr. Kerrigen sits at her desk stroking her Mr. Zerglingworth,  
Miniyou sits in a similar desk, stroking mini Mr. Zerglingworth]  
  
[Raynor bursts in]  
  
  
Kerrigen: Ahhh, mister Raynor  
  
  
Raynor: Give it up Dr. Kerrigen!!  
  
  
Kerrigen: Well it seems you have a choice mister Raynor, save the world  
or save..........  
  
what the hell do we have of his? OH FORGET IT!! You can't save the world,  
because I'm about to destroy the world with this!!!  
  
  
(Curtain falls, revealing a Giant Laser, with Miniyou attempting  
to hump it to death)  
  
  
Kerrigen: *Nervous chuckle* Miniyou, stop humping the laser.....  
Oh god, why don't you and the giant "Laser" get a fricken room for gods sake.  
  
  
[During this time, Raynor slips up to Dr. Kerrigen, and pushes the self  
destruct button, witch after the destruction of the moon base, he celebrates]  
  
  
  
  
  
The Red October Version  
___________________________________  
  
  
[On the bridge of the Battle Cruiser]  
  
  
  
Raynor: And so we play our game, a game of chess, against our old adversaries  
the American star fleet.   
  
For forty ears, your fathers and older brothers played this game, and played it well.  
  
Ahhh, it reminds me of the days of Korhal and Senator Mengsk, when  
the sector trembled at the sound of our missiles, and they shall tremble again  
at the sound of our silence.  
  
  
*Pause*  
  
  
Uhhhhhhhhh, I reeeeeeeeeaaaaaaallllllyyy have to go, number 1  
  
  
  
[And you know the rest]  
  
  
  
  
  
Blooper Version  
______________________  
  
  
[Fenix death scene]  
  
Cameraman: Speed  
  
  
Director: And, action  
  
  
  
*Fenix starts walking own the walkway and sees the horrible thing*  
  
  
Fenix: *Snickering* HAHAHA Jimmy!  
  
--  
  
Director: and action  
  
  
*Fenix looks, and see the horrible beast*  
  
  
*Turns on his laser scythes*  
  
  
(nothing happens)  
  
  
Fenix: HEY, these damn things aren't turning on!  
  
  
Hydralisk: THIS IS TAKE 78, I CANNOT STAND THIS, I will be in my trailer!  
  
  
  
Fenix: Ohhh boy  
  
  
[And Fenix went on to become a success (FINALLY) on take 456]  
  
  
  
  
Mrs. Bucket Version  
-------------------  
  
  
[Rasagal is on the phone with the happily married Kerrigen]  
  
  
  
"OH what's that dear?"  
  
  
"Oh Jims taking up skinny-dipping, well that's healthy"  
  
  
"He wants to do what?"  
  
  
"Go swimming at the public pool in a bikini?"  
  
  
[And so Raynor went swimming]  
  
  
  
  
Sherlock Holmes Version  
-----------------------  
  
[Raynor and his assistant Dr. Stukov are at the house of DuGalle  
investigating his murder(DuGalle's murder, not Raynor or Stukov),  
while Kerrigen weeps in mourning]  
  
  
Kerrigen: WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  
  
  
Alexi: Now, you must try to calm down, DuGalle's murderer will be found out  
  
  
Raynor: But we already know who killed him Alexi  
  
  
Alexi: We do?  
  
  
Raynor: Elementary my dear Stukov  
  
  
Kerrigen: Who?  
  
  
Raynor: You me dear, you see, I knew almost immediately it was you.  
First, because you're the only one who would do it anyways, and second  
his organs are hanging from your wings.  
  
  
  
[And Kerrigen was sent to prison for the murder of her husband]  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Minority Report Version  
-----------------------  
  
  
[Kerrigen, Raynor, Arcturas, Duke, Tassadar, Fenix, Zaretul,  
Alexi, DuGalle, Rasagal, Duran, Aldaris, and the Overmind, are all  
socializing sometime before Starcraft game come into existence.]  
  
  
  
Kerrigen: Well, I can't wait to see what happens in the future,  
I mean, who knows...  
  
  
(Duran and a squad of police burst threw the doors, windows, and skylights)  
  
  
Tom: You're all under arrest for the future destruction of the Koprulu  
Sector, and....  
  
  
[Raynor then shot Duran, and all the Police opened fire and killed all of the heroes..  
witch means that Starcraft never even happened, so wait.....  
so that means...since it never happened WHY THE HELL AM I WRITING THIS!?  
I don't know, I'm lost, I have no clue why.]  
  
  
  
___________________________________________________________________  
  
  
Ok, so if in the last version, Starcraft never existed, SO WHY THE HELL AM I WRITING THIS  
HUH!? I DON'T KNOW! REVIEW PLEASE! 


	3. Part 3

Hi, it's me again! I decided to continue this anyway. ENJOY!!  
_________________________________________________  
  
  
Harry Potter version  
------------------------  
Duke: Raynor you are a wizard.  
  
Raynor: I'm a what?  
  
(Duke appears dressed as Dumbledore, and is fighting Duran, who's face is plastered to the back of DuGalle's head. Raynor grabs DuGalle. He screams and disintegrates, and all is won. Raynor returns to Kerrigen, to find that Fenix as Madame Pomfrey, has cast a Bone-Healing spell upon her, and all is better.)  
  
  
South Park version  
---------------------  
  
[Kerrigen, Duran, Raynor, and Tassadar standing around under a tree]  
  
Kerrigen: So, what's going on?  
  
(Hydralisk pops out from behind tree and kills Raynor with poison spikes)  
  
Tassadar: OH MY GOD! He killed Raynor! YOU BASTARD!  
  
(He takes out a C10 and tries to blow the hydralisk away, but almost hits Duran!)  
  
Duran: God Damn it! Don't shoot me!  
  
(He takes out HIS C10 and starts shooting at Tassadar)  
  
Duran: I'll blow your frickin' head off!  
  
(Raynor suddenly stands, but dies again when one of Duran's bullets hit him)  
  
Kerrigen: OH MY GOD! You killed Raynor again!  
  
(She takes out HER C10 and blows away Duran Tassadar AND the hydralisk)  
  
Kerrigen: Well that sucked  
  
Titanic version  
------------------  
(Raynor and Kerrigen have just gone down on the starship Titanic. Kerrigen is lying on a board clutching Raynor's hand as they float in space.)  
  
Kerrigen: I love you Jim  
  
(Squeezes him so tightly she is cutting of his air)  
  
Raynor: No, don't you dare say your goodbyes Sarah. Don't you give up. Don't you DARE you stupid bitch!  
  
(Back-hands her)  
  
Kerrigen: I'm so cold. I can't feel my legs. My God! I don't even have legs! God, Jim, HELP ME!  
  
(Grabs him and again cuts off his air supply)  
  
Raynor: You're cutting off my fucking air! *Voice gets high like someone is squeezing his testicles* I can't breathe! LET GO!  
  
Kerrigen: *sobs* I'll never let go Jim, I'll never let go.  
(BTW, Tiny Chelle helped me out with this version. Thanx sis) :P  
  
  
CLUE version  
----------------------  
  
[(Kerrigen as Miss Scarlet, Raynor as Col. Mustard, Arcturas as Professor Plum, Raszagal as Mrs. Peacock, Duran as Mr. Green, and Fenix as Mrs. White 0_0) are all puzzling over which one of them killed Duke as Mr. Body]  
  
Duran: Well, I didn't do it! I was in the forward helm necking with Raszagal!  
  
Raszagal: I would never! Liar! How rude!  
  
Raynor: Lying about a lady!? I challenge you to a duel!  
  
Kerrigen: oh stop it! And Duran, I thought you were a homosexual!  
  
Fenix: *in girly voice* He is!  
  
Duran: I know Fenix is!  
  
Kerrigen: She is?  
  
Duran: Well, like, DUH! Fenix is a guy!  
  
Kerrigen: You mean I SLEPT with a guy?!  
  
Arcturas: You're a lesbian? Did I know that?  
  
Fenix: I AM NOT A HOMO! *Starts to cry* That's Big Bird! Call me a homo again, and I'll kill you!  
  
Duran: With what? Bitch slaps?  
  
Fenix: Yes damn you!   
  
(Bitch slaps Duran to death)  
  
Raszagal: you killed him! How rude! You he-whore!  
  
Raynor: What!? Name-calling?! I challenge you to a duel!  
  
Fenix: You can't challenge a woman to a duel!  
  
Raynor: Contradicting me!? I challenge YOU to a duel!  
  
Kerrigen: *snickers* That works. He's a man  
  
Fenix: I am NOT a man!  
  
(Bitch slaps Kerrigen to death)  
  
Raynor: Killing a lady!? I challenge you to another duel!  
  
(Takes out a pistol and kills Raszagal instead of Fenix)  
  
Fenix: you killed my bitch you bitch!  
  
(Bitch slaps Raynor to death)  
  
Arcturas: What's going on? Is everyone dead? Who killed them? Did I? Did YOU? Oh my God! YOU'RE the killer! You killed Duke! You killed everyone! And now you're gonna try to kill me!  
  
Fenix: I don't know what to do. *Thinks a minute* Will you be my lover?  
  
Arcturas: uhh...Am I gay? I don't remember. What is going on? Who are all these people? Who are you? Who am I?   
  
Fenix: *smirks* You are Tawny Peaks. You are a stripper. You were just about to get a sex change when these ruffians kidnapped you. I, your lover, rescued you and killed these fuckers. We are going to get married and have 2.6 children. We are naming them Fox Glove, and Marigold.  
  
Arcturas: *smiles happily* Oh, ok. I remember now. Let's go get hitched bitch!  
[By the time DuGalle got there, Fenix and Arcturas were gone. It was concluded that Raszagal had bitch slapped everyone to death, and then shot herself. Fenix and Arcturas married and had their 2.6 children. DuGalle finally recovered from the loss of his lover, Arcturas and took up with Stukov]  
  
  
_______________________  
  
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! I jsut get crazier every day!  
R/R!!!!!!!! 


End file.
